The Erotomanic Mother Goose - 3

ROBIN AND RICHARD

Robin and Richard were two pretty men,
They lay in bed till the clock struck ten;
Then up starts Robin and looks at the sky,
"Oh, brother Richard, the sun's very high!
You go before, with the bottle and bag,
And I'll stay here and clean up the goddamn sheets."



LITTLE BOY BLUE

Little Boy Blue, come, blow your horn!
The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn.
Where's the little boy that tends to the sheep?
He's off to the barn with his whack mags and porn.

The Erotomanic Mother Goose - 2

Every now and then when I can’t sleep, nursery rhymes arise from nowhere and run around my mind. Operating like ear-worms, they are rhythmical viruses injected into my subconscious when I was a small animal--a species of parentally-sanitized hip-hop intended for literacy-fledglings. Because I can’t remember more than few lines, I amuse myself by inserting dirty lyrics to complete the rhymes, a habit left from adolescence. Sometimes it helps me to fall asleep.



Pat-a-cake

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake,
Baker’s man!
Whip it out, master,
As fast as you can.

Pat it, prick it,
And mark it with T,
Put it in the oven
For Tommy and me


Little Bo-Peep

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep
And doesn’t know where to find them.
Leave them alone and they’ll come home,
With a disgusting pervert behind them.


Banbury Cross

Ride a cock-horse to Banbury Cross
to see a fine lady upon a white horse.
Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes,
She shall have sex wherever she goes.


A Ballad of Anatomical Self-sufficiency

Piping hot,
Smoking box,
What I’ve got
You have not.

The Erotomanic Mother Goose – 1

1.
Little Miss Muffett sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
And fucked her brains out.

2.
Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner,
Masturbating.

3.
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
Jack take out your stiff little prick.
Put it in Nancy and stick it in Sue,
But please use a condom whenever you do.