An Entrance to Hell Found in Golden Gate Park

Entrance to Hell in San Francisco #874

A definitive solution to one of the most persistent questions facing humanity is soon likely to be resolved as a result of exhaustive investigations currently being conducted in Golden Gate Park.

For generations researchers have debated whether Hell is exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat). Proposed solutions have been formulated in reference to Boyle’s Law, which describes the inversely proportional relationship existing between the absolute pressure and the volume of a gas, assuming the temperature is kept constant within a closed system.

In other words, if gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed, what would be the pressure required to either maintain the burning temperatures or to steadily increase them?

It would be most useful in this respect to determine if the total mass of Hell is increasing or decreasing, and to estimate the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they could be leaving. But we may assume thereby that souls having once entered Hell are not destined to leave it, and also that an exponential increase of souls entering Hell exists in relation to the population increase on Earth.

We might therefore conclude that the temperature of Hell is increasing, because Boyle’s Law requires that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell would have to expand proportionately as souls are added, unless there is a corresponding release of the existing quantity of gas.

Empirical research now confirms the latter theory to be the case, as evidenced by empirical observation following the discovery of a sizeable vent hole exiting Hell shown as in the photograph above, exposed by accident near Lindley Meadow in Golden Gate Park at last year's Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival.

Sensor-activated video cameras now surround the grassy vacuity, and scientists eagerly await forthcoming photographic evidence depicting fugitive clouds of noxious gas erupting and escaping from the Fiery Pit beneath.

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