The Babelfish Eminem Pounding

Flarf is one of the happier areas of modern poetry, since it doesn't require any talent or skill or gruntwork. Unlike most writing, flarf is actually fun. It also served as a pleasant way to kill time when I worked as a U.S. Immigration Inspector at S.F. Airport some years ago. I applied myself to it while waiting for overdue flights arriving from Central America late at night, since our inspection booths had Internet-equipped computers.

The practice of flarf in those days consisted mainly in manipulating Google in different ways, since Google itself was still fairly new. One way to do this was to open Babelfish, an online language translation app that produced amazingly insane translations from one language to another. (One famous example: "The flesh is willing but the spirit is weak" as translated from Russian came out: "The meat's ok but the vodka's no good.") You'd just feed in texts in different languages and see what the system came up with.

One of my own efforts I thought was rather spectacular. I took the lyrics to an Eminem song called "Just Lose It," and asked Babelfish to translate them into German. Then I took the German text and Babelfished it back into English.

The program truly performed great wonders in bringing out the irresistible charm and intricate intellectual subtleties of Eminem's text. Interestingly, it also eliminated the scatological references in the song, for example by rendering TP (toilet paper) as "tepee" and deleting the word "bunghole" altogether. The pedophiliac references in the original were also made to appear quite harmless.

In The Babelfish Eminem Pounding it helps if you know that the word "rap" came out as "pounding," and that "dance soil" means "dance floor."

Now to the dance soil, dance soil reporting
arrest every relationship for the time of pajamas
Come on, small kiddies,
onto my lap assumption
I'm back with brand new pounding
Ash aah aah aah aah
Assurance of papa's brand-new bag
of the play goods for noise formation
Increase volume, affect your toes
and fair sliding of the dance soil tepee
of my worthless drilling in the school
if you let go nobody's going to hear
a little poot-poot called fart tone, oops
skips CD and lets one rip.

Now I'm bringing dance to form
probability of Yeah boy vibration of ass
Oops I mean, girl girl girl girl girl,
whom you know that you're my world
now well then Aah aah aah aah aah
just losing it, go Aah aah aah aah aah
Aah aah aah aah aah oh baby
Aah aah oh baby baby aah aah

It's Friday and it's my day, I dunno
which day, cruisin' for the involved one,
on the motorway feelin' breezin' with top down
blastin' through my hair I dunno,
Everything, which I know, is, if I receive
Someones, which goes there,
Excuse me lady, I don't means as a jerk
however I'm feeling to sound
stressed out by the work, you me in stomach punches
and spit my hair on me, chisels possibly my eyes out... ewww
Man, you must be outside from understanding
aah aah, which dear God I'm blind goes,
just trying to complete the time

Now I'm, which go, it dance
It's to form its probability
Yeah boy vibration of your ass,
Oops I mean, girl girl girl girl girl,
whom you know that you're lose my world
now well them Aah aah aah aah aah
straight, lose it, go Aah aah aah aah aah
Aah aah aah aah aah OH- baby
Aah aah OH- baby baby aah aah

crazy verse 3: It's Tuesday and I'm locked
up in the prison and i don't knows why,
maybe running along road screaming naked
Aah aah aah aah aah well
Now big apology because no remember
everything, where pounding
really breaks down, tone is now everything
now the impact returns and everyone lose self
A step back to reality view I'm a grown man did
Dubba sign dubba dubba dubba dubba dubba
I don't have all possible lines, to go to the right
here so the Dubba dubba dubba dubba

Do you seize your left nut,
do form you to the right one jealous, which?
The small girls the black girls
the white girls the thin girls fat girls
high school to the dance soil tepee
It's your probability for a small ruminator
however squeezin it's is fair to each report
the season calls, go aah aah aah aah the
It's pleasing to choir in such a way:
Yeah boy vibration of your ass which
Oops I mean, girl girl girl girl girl, whom you know
that you're lost in my world now well then
Aah aah aah aah aah just lose it,
go Aah aah aah aah aah Aah aah aah aah aah
OH- baby Aah aah OH- baby baby aah aah
crazy Outro: Note Mmmmm my note of the body
Mmmmm my bodies Ooh boy fair note my body
I mean fair note of the girl my body.